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Navigating Back-to-School Stress
As summer winds down, families are feeling the slow burn of back to school stress creeping in—supply lists, open houses, new teachers, shifting routines, and the return of early mornings. Back-to-school season is often marketed as a time of excitement and fresh starts, but for many parents, it can also bring on anxiety, power struggles, and emotional overwhelm.
This time of year isn’t just about getting kids back into a classroom. It’s about the entire family system recalibrating. When one part of the family shifts (like a child starting a new grade or school), it impacts everyone. Parents are not only managing their own emotional load but also absorbing and responding to the transitions their children are facing.
Whether you’re parenting a kindergartner just starting school, a tween navigating middle school drama, or a high schooler juggling AP classes and social pressures, the back-to-school transition requires intention, flexibility, and emotional bandwidth.
So how do you support your child’s transition and maintain your own equilibrium?
Here are five systems-informed tips to help your family move into the school year with more calm and connection:
1. Reboot Routines Gradually
From a family systems lens, routines are regulating. They provide predictability that helps every member of the family feel more secure.
Start shifting wake-up times, bedtime routines, and mealtimes about 1–2 weeks before school starts. Avoid going from “summer mode” to “school mode” overnight—it creates a shock to the system. With younger children starting to implement visual schedules to prepare them for the upcoming transition to school routines. Involve kids in sharing their ideas in making these changes. When you work together, it gives kids and teens agency and responsibility in making some of the changes that need to occur.
2. Name the Feelings—All of Them
Kids aren’t the only ones who feel nervous or sad about summer ending. Naming the mixed emotions (excitement, dread, overwhelm) helps normalize them for both parents and children. This emotional transparency builds trust and promotes co-regulation. Modeling for children and adolescents healthy ways to express emotions helps them to learn the skills they need as they move towards adulthood. Try saying things like, “I feel a little nervous too about the changes coming. Let’s talk about it together” or “I also get stressed when routines start to change. Let’s brainstorm together what we can do.”
3. Hold Family Meetings
A brief weekly family check-in can shift the system toward greater communication and collaboration. Use this space to talk about logistics (who’s doing drop off?), feelings (who’s nervous about school?), and set intentions (what’s one goal this week?). Involving your kids in problem-solving helps them feel capable and heard—key for reducing acting out and shutdowns during transitions.
4. Regulate Before You Redirect
Back-to-school stress can stir up old power struggles. Before launching into lectures or trying to “fix” a behavior, ask yourself: Am I regulated? Is my child regulated? Dysregulated brains can’t access logic or empathy. Take a moment to co-regulate with breath, movement, or connection before addressing the issue. This small shift changes the tone of your home.
5. Align With Your Child’s Teachers Early
The school is an extension of your child’s system. Reach out proactively to teachers, school counselors, or special education teams to build rapport, share insights, and set a tone of collaboration. When home and school are aligned, kids thrive. You don’t have to wait until there’s a problem—connection early on is prevention, not just reaction.
Remember, this season doesn’t have to be about perfection. If your mornings are messy and your kid wears pajamas to class picture day, that doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human. Be gentle with yourself. Your presence and support as a parent, consistency with this transition matter more than any Pinterest inspired lunchbox.
When we view the family as a system, we remember: change in one part impacts the whole. So give your system time, space, and grace to adjust.